Due to past experiences with epidurals, drugs and constant monitoring, I made up my mind that I was going to labor and deliver my third baby naturally without drugs. This was a feat that I knew was going to be challenging, and I had to prepare myself mentally for a good three weeks prior to get my mind fully convinced that I could do it. Every night I listened to soothing meditation music and hypnobirthing practices and affirmations to train myself to relax and breathe. This is something that I didn’t really know how to do before since I am usually on the go, and rarely stop to put my feet up and just enjoy doing nothing. I realized that I couldn't slow my breathing and that it really took effort to inhale to the count of 8 and exhale to the count of 20. It takes a lot of control and concentration. I also researched positions for laboring and birthing naturally and ways to find comfort when it gets tough. I have been using essential oils for about 5 months, so I had a whole bunch of vials of different oils that would help me with relaxing, speeding up contractions, and helping with anxiety. I watched numerous You Tube videos and documentaries on women giving natural birth and also sought the stories and encouragement from friends and family who have gone through it themselves. All geared up, I truly felt empowered and prepared to embark on my journey and enter into the elite group of women who can brag about how they had a drug free labor and delivery. Keiffer was very encouraging and kept pumping me up telling me that "You're going to experience what God created you body to do!" and, "You will be like a pioneer woman and know what they all went through". I was pumped, but still apprehensive.
The evening of May 24th, I started having very regular contractions, but I knew from previous pregnancies that they were just Braxton Hicks. The 25th was my due date and that morning I had an appointment with my midwife at noon where she checked me and I was 3cm dilated but she could stretch me to a 4 and about 80% effaced. She asked if I wanted her to strip my membranes but I refused any sort of intervention. Tennyson would come when he was ready. After we left I started getting pretty crampy and my contractions started coming regularly about every 10 minutes. I lay down and took a nap and noticed that they didn't stop. When I woke up at 3:00pm, I officially declared myself in labor since my contractions were feeling stronger and were very regular. We called our good friend Darlene to stand by to come over for when it was time to head to the hospital. By 10:30pm my contractions were every 5 minutes and pretty strong, but I could still talk through them. We called Darlene to came over and we headed to Naval Medical Center in Balboa. We got to triage by 11:30pm and I was checked by one of the midwives who said I was 3.5cm dilated and 30%effaced. This was disappointing since earlier that day I was considered further along. It's all subjective though. After a few hours of being monitored in triage my midwife suggested I go walk around for 2 hours and then come back to be checked again for any changes. She said if after 2 hours I was a solid 4, she would admit me. Based off of my last labor with Bridget where things moved very rapidly, Keiffer and I decided to stick around and see if the walking sped things up.
It was 1:00am when we left triage and we headed straight down to Subway to have some much needed food before walking. We were both overly tired since Keiffer had been up since 5:30am the morning before and I since 6:30am. Our bedtime was usually 10:30pm, so we were feeling the sleepiness taking over. We walked up and down the halls of the hospital for a full hour before heading back to the car to take a little siesta before going back to triage. We got back at 3:15am and I was a solid 4cm dilated and a tad bit more effaced. I was admitted and moved into a labor room that was very spacious. I thought, "This is it, here we go". Immediately they insisted that it was hospital policy that I be administered an IV just in case they need to give me fluids or drugs. This was not in my plan and I freaked out because I hate IV's. I am a big baby when it comes to needles other than those that draw my blood, so I was completely terrified. An intern tried getting an IV in one of my hands and failed twice! It was excruciating and I lost it. I started crying and shaking and the other nurse decided to try in my other hand. Keiffer asked if they could give me some Lidocaine to numb it a little first, and she complied. I felt lots of pressure with the IV going in, but it wasn't nearly as bad as the other two failed attempts. The procedure for women delivering naturally is to monitor the baby 20 minutes out of every hour and the other 40 minutes I could walk around or do whatever. Keiffer and I made rounds on the labor deck both completely sleep deprived and exhausted. Every time I went back into my room someone was in there asking me questions, hooking me up to the monitor, telling me to move in a certain position, and asking me about whether or not I was having a contraction. I was even visited by the anesthesiologist even thought they knew my plan was to go all natural. I started getting pretty upset because I felt like I should just be left alone to labor and to practice my relaxing. I just wanted to rest but felt like no one was letting me. It was "hospital policy". I reached a point where I just couldn't stop crying because I felt like everyone was pressuring me to have a speedy labor. I got the sense that people were watching the clock and that there was a certain time limit allotted for how long my labor would be able to go on before they insisted on artificially speeding it up. I'm sure a lot of this was in my head because of all of the stories I heard about the way hospitals work. My midwife, the nurses and Keiffer all told me that I needed to relax and that no one was trying to make things happen faster. This was my labor and it would play out as long as it needed to. I just couldn't relax though, and couldn't calm myself down. With all of the stress and emotions I was experience, my labor stalled and my contractions spread out to between 10 and 18 minutes apart and were not very strong. As I lay there twiddling my thumbs, completely frustrated, stressed out and sleep deprived, I didn't know what to do. Shift change happened at 7am and the new midwife who came on encouraged me to check out of the hospital and go regroup to speed my labor back up. She knew, as did both Keiffer and I, that the medical environment that I was in and my current mental state was contributing to the slow down. I needed to get back into my comfort zone and get some sleep which would help my body feel like it was okay to labor. I was discharged from the hospital around 8am and we decided to go to IHOP to have some breakfast. As soon as we got out of the hospital my contractions picked up again and were getting stronger. Enough so that I couldn't talk through them and had to focus on my breathing. It was funny being in a restaurant telling our server I was in labor and calling my sister to tell her I checked out of the hospital and was laboring in IHOP while eating breakfast!
We headed home and Keiffer and I both laid down for a nap. When we woke up around 4:30pm I took a little walk around the neighborhood in hopes of progressing my labor. By 7:00pm I was feeling pretty wiped out and decided to go to bed for a little bit but knew it would be a short while before we would need to head back to the hospital. I turned on my iPod to help me relax and listened to some soft meditation music. My contractions were getting pretty uncomfortable and I needed to really focus on my breathing to get through them. I got up at 9:00pm and told Keiffer he needed to come to bed to get some sleep because I knew that the baby was going to be coming soon. He came into bed for only two of my contractions which were now about 3 minutes apart and I couldn't lay there anymore. When I stood up they were getting so bad I had to lay over the bed and sway my hips back and forth to relieve some pain. Keiffer frantically repacked the car and called Darlene back over. We left at about 10:00pm and made the 25 minute drive to the hospital. I was doing really well with my breathing and pain management in the car because I had my IPod in and was in a meditative state. I noticed Keiffer pressing on the gas more and more with every contraction.
We arrived at the hospital's triage around 10:30pm. They could tell immediately that this was no joke, and checked my cervix to find I was 5cm and 80% effaced and was in active labor. My contractions were every 2.5-3 minutes apart and were extremely strong. The best method for me to cope with the pain at this point was to lay over the bed and sway my hips as I had at home. I was no longer interested in my iPod or trying any hypnobirthing techniques. The pain began to take over and the only thing getting me through each contraction was exaggerated deep breathing.
I was transferred into a labor room that was much smaller than the first one I was in. Immediately I went from being able to cope, to completely not being able to cope. I suddenly could not manage the pain, and I was desperately trying to find some position that would make the pain remotely tolerable. The bed was too low for me to lean over and sway my hips, and the rails on the side of the bed were very flimsy and loose so they were terrible for gripping. I moved to the bathroom where I gripped ever so tightly to the metal handicap bar on the wall. My legs started getting super fatigued from standing and squatting at this bar, so I moved back out into the room. There I went from leaning on the wall, to laying in the bed, to kneeling on the floor and laying over the birthing ball. Nothing seemed to diminish the pain I was experiencing but I was getting through it with each contraction. The breathing eventually turned into all out screaming at the top of my lungs and then into chanting and making all sorts of ridiculous sounds and moans that only a woman in natural labor would make. To give you a really good visual, just imagine anything you have ever seen on television or in the movies of a woman in labor yelling at her husband "I hate you" and "You did this to me", and triple it! That was me. Keiffer says it was like I was possessed and in need of an exercism! I feel badly because Keiffer was trying to put essential oils on me, but I kept telling him to leave me alone and “Get away from me!”. I didn’t want anyone touching me and nearly knocked out the nurse every time she pressed the fetal monitor up to my belly while I was having a contraction!
By 7cm dilated I had reached what I thought was my threshold. I was done with the whole thing and was beginning to panic a little. I kept thinking about all of the strong women I know who have experienced natural labor and it helped me get through it mentally. I tried moving around the room but every motion brought on a stronger and longer contraction. I tried standing up and holding onto Keiffer, but I realized quickly that he was going to fall victim to a biten off nipple or at least some serious battle wounds on his back. I figured this not the best scenario so I reverted to scratching, biting and tearing at every possible inanimate object I put my hands on! The nurse attached a squatting bar to the bed and as I held onto it I nearly ripped the foam off with my teeth. I switched to laying over the birthing ball atop the bed and was digging my fingers into it so hard I thought I may pop it! There was no escaping the pain. I kept repeating, “You are so stupid. This is the stupidest decision you have ever made… never again!”
By 9cm dilated I reached the fight or flight mode. The time when I felt like everyone needed to know just how much pain I was in, in case they didn’t already know. I grabbed Keiffer close to me, looking him square in the face and said, “Keiffer, I am going to die”. It’s not like I thought or really felt like I was really going to die. I just needed him to know the severity of what I was experiencing. I looked at the nurse and my midwife and said very matter of fact, “I’m done. No seriously, I’m done. This needs to be over right now”. That turned into an all out cry for help and pleadings to my midwife to get this over with. I did have a few times when I said, “I need drugs”, but I just got a blank stare from everyone in the room. This was good because no one let me believe for a second that drugs were even an option. They seemed to let my pleadings go in one ear and out the other which is exactly what I told Keiffer I wanted to happen. I had a feeling that if I pleaded enough someone would hook me up and start giving me some drugs. I realized later that I didn’t even sign the consent form from the anesthesiologist to have drugs, so I couldn’t have gotten them if I wanted! Good call on my part. I all of a sudden got really hot and bothered by the hospital gown I was wearing, so I ripped it off. They set up a fan for me which was a relief from the massive heat my body started generating. They started putting cold rags on my head and giving me them to put in my mouth to bite on. I was to the point where I was chewing on my fingers and arms really hard that they were insistent that I stick a rag in my mouth so I wouldn’t hurt myself! Are you getting a good visual of how this was worse than what you see in the movies?
At 9.5cm I felt the overwhelming need to push. My midwife told me that I couldn’t push until the last part of my cervix was out of the way, but I couldn’t help it. She wanted me to flip over and get on my hands and knees but I adimately refused to move at all. Everyone in the room forced me to and I rapidly flipped over in excruciating pain. I hung over the back of the bed biting the sheet and tried desperately to fight the pushing urge while my midwife tried to see if she could move my cervix. She thought she may be able to so I flipped on my back , they broke the bed down, and I was finally able to push. It was such a relief to be able to fight against the pain!
As I pushed I started getting really mad. I repeated out loud, “I’m mad, I’m mad. I’m gonna push this baby out!” The nurse and midwife repeated back to me, “Yes, get mad. Get this baby out!” It really helped me to put the force behind each push. It was the strangest thing feeling my baby move further down my birth canal! My midwife was able to get the baby’s head past my cervix and as he began to crown I felt this overwhelming sense of burning like an Indian rug burn only all around the area he was stretching through. I knew what this meant and was encouraged to push through the pain to get my baby’s head through. Once his head was through, the rest of the body came easily. It was such a sense of relief when he came out, and as he lay on my chest for the first time screaming, I was in a complete state of shock. He was born on May 27th at 2:38am.
I did it! Me. Laura Marino. The girl who can barely stand a minor period cramp just went through a 36 hour long labor and delivery and pushed out a baby with no drugs! I was feeling complete exhaustion. Tennyson latched on immediately which was so nice. Most of my attention was focused on what my midwife was still working on which was pulling on the umbilical cord and massaging my uterus waiting for the placenta to detach. That’s the thing about natural birth is I was aware of every sensation that during my other labors I was oblivious of. Once my placenta was delivered I got that sense of relief that everyone told me about. Ah, it was all over! My midwife declared everything was intact, and I had no tearing.
For the next 2 hours we stayed in the delivery room laughing and reminiscing of all of the crazy things I did and said. It is amazing that prior to delivery I was in the most excruciating pain I could have ever imagined and as soon as the baby was out all the pain disappeared! During this time Tennyson was weighed, measured and given a bath. He was 8 pounds 15.4 ounces and 22 inches! A big baby! He was over 2 pounds heavier than Calista was. I apologized to Keiffer and the nurse for anything I said to offend them or any pain I may have inflicted on them while in labor. Everyone pretty much laughed it all off and was very proud of me.
We were transferred to a postpartum recovery room which was really nice and large and had a separate bed for Keiffer to sleep on. On the wheelchair ride over to the room I was met by many people congratulating me on my accomplishing a natural birth and was labeled a hero amongst the staff. I know I put on a good show for the whole floor for about 4.5 hours! Once the people got to see the woman behind the screams, they must have felt the need to recognize my accomplishment. It was nice and felt very empowering.
Since it was my third baby most of the nurses left us alone unless they needed to check my vitals or check Tennyson. Keiffer broke out the essential oils I was so adimat about using during my labor and postpartum and we diffused some On Guard into the room to kill the germs and then enjoyed diffusing lavender to make the room really relaxing. Everyone who came in the room noticed how good it smelled. Keiffer made me what our last hospital called “Postpartum punch” which is a mixture of orange juice, cranberry juice and 7up in a 32 ounce water bottle with crushed ice. This hospital didn’t offer it so we came prepared with all the ingredients. I drank like 7 of these in my hospital stay! I also devoured all the food they would bring me. It wasn’t too fabulous, but boy I was hungry!
Some people think that women who refuse drugs in labor and delivery are crazy. I was one of those up until my third trimester. I didn’t understand why women would put themselves through unnecessary pain. The only reason I even entertained the idea was to avoid the year long spine pain I developed after my past two epidurals. As I researched natural childbirth, my opinion of birthing in America changed drastically. I realized how medical society has made what is the most natural thing our bodies are meant to do. A woman in labor is seen as a woman who is ill and needs to be placed in a bed and doped up to get through the pain. The rate of unnecessary cesarean sections has skyrocketed and America leads all developing nations in not only unnecessary medical intervention but in infant death.
When I had reached what I thought was my pain threshold during my first two labors around 4cm I was administered an epidural. Prior to that I was given IV narcotics to take the edge off. I was given Pitocin to speed up my contractions and make them stronger. As I lay in bed blissfully unaware of any pain my body was experiencing, I watched the monitor as my contractions doubled in size and strength. I thought, “There is no way I would have been able to cope with the pain from those contractions!” The sad thing is that my babies still could and were being crushed by the relentless super charged contractions the Pitocin was encouraging. As I came to this realization and understanding of the whole hospital birthing experience, I was convinced that a drug-free childbirth was what I wanted not only for myself but for my new baby. It took a lot of research, soul searching and practice to get my mind convinced that I could in fact accomplish this goal. If I had gone into labor even two weeks earlier, I would not have been prepared enough to go through with natural childbirth. The last few weeks I was in a meditative state every night listening to birthing stories, relaxing meditation music and hypnobirthing cd’s. I called my friends who had experienced it for themselves and took to heart their words of encouragement. By my due date I really felt empowered and confident that I too could accomplish this feat.
Would I recommend childbirth? Yes. If you would have asked me to write this account the day after my labor, I would have said emphatically, “No way!” Like I said at the onset of writing this, I think that we are designed to forget about the pain of childbirth so that the human race will continue. Keiffer says that husbands forget as well. They have to forget what they witnessed. Otherwise there would be very little postpartum love making and thus the impossibility of future pregnancies. I can tell you this much about how I feel now that it has been 1 week since I delivered Tennyson. I feel empowered. I realized something about myself that I never knew before and that is the level that I am capable of taking myself to if I merely put my mind to it. The degree of pain I experienced was something I never thought I could endure. My whole life I never thought I would consider natural childbirth, especially after feeling what I thought were the worst contractions ever in my first two labors. I don’t want to offend anyone who has not experienced a drug-free childbirth, but after going through both kinds of labor, I feel like women who have not experienced it do not really know what it means to birth a baby. This experience was way more than I could have imagined it to be. It challenged me physically, emotionally and most of all mentally. I did it. I overcame what always seemed like the impossible. I am now part of an elite group of women. I now know that if I was a pioneer trekking the plains that I could have survived natural childbirth. I am really proud of the woman that I have become through this experience and the many rewards I received including and most importantly the grand prize in the end, my beautiful baby boy Tennyson.
